Quartet
by DraganMir
Summary: A field mission gone awry, Rodney, Laura, and the doctors find themselves in a unique situation. Rewrite of episode "Duet" for humor and shipping. Some mental Rodney whump. 4/?
1. Starting on the Wrong Foot

Author's note: Characters as well as conversation in the infirmary was taken from the actual episode "Duet". SGA writers work, not mine. Credit where credit is due.

_Screech_ and a moment later, Rodney McKay returned to the land of no-longer-stored-data. Rematerializing poised to avoid any and all incoming projectiles; the physicist was surprised to see a friendly face.

"Rodney, you okay?" asked John tentatively.

A break in eye contact to scan his surroundings revealed a wreck of what appeared to be a badly mistreated ship. A second later, feeling returned to his extremities. McKay's knees felt like they'd been forcibly removed from the rest of his numb body. His allegedly superior brain registered this disconcerting fact as well as a brief glimpse of the sky and then—nothing.

* * *

Light began to penetrate the unconsciousness that had claimed Rodney in the field. McKay's state of unfeeling reluctantly left his mind. Replaced by an annoying throb behind the ears, the scientist almost missed the void. _Just great, can we go back to being passed out, please?_ Was it just him or was he developing a multiple personality? He agreed with the voice, and familiar though it was, its presence puzzled him.

Ready to test his capacity of speech, as well as sitting up, Rodney attempted coherence, "Hello…" The dull throb in his head didn't agree with his gall and asserted itself in his forehead. The new wave of pain elicited a groan of discomfort from the bed-ridden physicist.

Noticing the movement out of the corner of his eye, Dr. Carson Beckett walked quickly over to his most finicky patient, "How you feeling, Rodney?"

Now propped up on his elbows and assessing his physical condition, "Um, it was…terrible. What happened?"

"You were scooped up by a dart."

"Oh great. How'd I get out?"

"It's a long story but I'm glad to see you're doing well."

"_Hello? Doctor Beckett,"_ Called a decidedly feminine voice that McKay couldn't quite locate.

"Is that Cadman?" Perplexed, the genius looked at the bed next to his, trying to find the voice's source.

"_Doctor McKay?"_ Rodney looked around, only noticing a sleeping Dr. Keller at the foot of his bed.

Choosing to not give a second thought the woman slumped over at his bedside, "Where is she?"

"_I'm right here,"_ Retorted the disembodied voice.

Beckett calmly informs him that, "Lt. Cadman is still trapped inside the dart."

"_What?"_

"Who said that?" asked Rodney, becoming more confused with every syllable spoken.

"I did."

"You said 'what'?"

"I said, 'Lt. Cadman is still trapped inside the dart.'"

"No, no, did you just say the _word_, 'what'?"

"No, I didn't."

"_McKay?"_ queried the panicky voice.

"Yes, where are you?"

"I'm right here," stated the perplexed doctor.

"No, no, I'm talking to Cadman. Shut up for a second."

"She's not here, Rodney."

"_Yes I am."_

"You didn't just hear that, you didn't just hear Lt. Cadman?"

Baffled by the scientist's behavior and his assertions of an invisible person, "No, I didn't."

Rodney snapped his fingers, an idea struck him, the answer to the voice in his head, "headset...not wearing a headset."

"_McKay, where are you?"_

Now certain that the voice in his head was not just a figment of his imagination, "I'm right in front of Carson."

"_Oh no. Uh, put your hands over your eyes."_

Confused by the odd request, "Wha- why?"

"_Just do it!" _Unusual as it was for him to listen to a command, the physicist complied with Laura's demand.

Patiently, Carson explained once again the predicament the missing woman was in, "Lt. Cadman is still trapped inside the dart, and I think you're experiencing some kind of—Rodney, what _are_ you doing?"

Rodney opened his fingers to expose his eyes so he could look at the doctor, _"Oh, thi-this is terrible."_

Anxious about what could be going wrong,"What's terrible?"

"_I can see that. I can see your hands over your eyes as if they were my eyes."_

If it was possible, Carson was even more confused than he had ever been in his life. Rodney further added to his appearance of being crazy, "Carson. Hi."

"Hello…" replied the exasperated doctor. He didn't want to start that long conversation over again.

"Who got us out of the dart?"

"Zelenka, but he only got you out. Lt. Cadman is still trapped inside the dart."

"No, no, no, no…" hanging his head in misery, Rodney cursed the day Zelenka ever set foot in Atlantis.

"_This cannot…be happening."_

"Cadman's not trapped in the Dart."

"Excuse me?" Carson asked, knowing full well that only Rodney had been rematerialized out of the Dart.

McKay points at his temple with a small flourish of his hand, "She's in here."

* * *

"_I'm just saying you didn't have to blow up at Dr. Weir and Zelenka like that, it was hard to watch,"_ chided Laura inside Rodney's head.

"Yes, well there was a certain _someone_ who was driving me insane at the time!"

"_Oh, so the fact that you have no social skills and drive people away with a forked tongue and a pitchfork has no resemblance to being a madman."_

"That was two facts actually."

"_And that! That _constant_ need to be right and correcting everyone is what makes people not like you!"_

Putting up a defense that had as many holes as Ronon's shooting target, "I hardly think that—some people like me…"

"_Oh? Is that why Katie Brown canceled on you? It was about time the roles were reversed. She's put up with enough from you."_

"That's uncalled for! Katie was the best thing that happened to me, besides coming to Atlantis that is," protested McKay, somewhat hurt by would could have been called another part of him. After all, she _was_ in his head.

"_Oh get over yourself, Rodney; she didn't see that you were interested she want' going to wait forever. Besides, there are other fish in this Lantean ocean."_

"Wait, are you saying that someone at this 'girls' poker night' has been talking about me?"

"_Over a few beers—No, no, I've said too much already," _Cadman was exceptionally good at getting on Rodney's nerves.

"Well if you're going to clam up now you can stay that way for the rest of the night. I'm hungry and I don't need you buzzing in my ears while I'm eating."

Insisting on being difficult, the lieutenant droned,_ "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," _in McKay's head all the way to the mess hall.

* * *

"_Stop eating that, it's the most disgusting food substance on this base!"_ once again Cadman decided to interrupt what was otherwise a perfectly peaceful meal in the now schizophrenic physicist's world.

Almost insulted, Rodney defended his favorite dessert, "How can you not like _blue_ Jell-O?"

"_It looks terrible, tastes terrible, is completely artificial, and above all is terrible for you!"_

Spoon midway to his mouth, Rodney wondered, "You can taste what I'm eating? Fascinating," and continued eating the subject of their most recent argument.

"_Yes, as a matter of fact. It makes sense, since I have access to your other senses. Which by the way, you haven't been sharing since you practically sprinted out of Heightmeyer's office."_

"Well excuse me for wanting to control my own body. I'd like to be well into old age before I start losing physical control of my body."

"_McKay your incontinence is not something I _ever_ want to have to think about again."_

"Well then stop wanting to be in control. Now doesn't that just seem to be the easiest answer?"

"_If I get control of one of our fists I'm going to punch you so hard in the nose you'll never have another chance at a date in your life!"_

"They're my fists, and you're bringing that up again? You sure are persistent. But it wasn't like I had much of a shot anyway; you already made that abundantly clear to me." Rodney got up, cleared his tray and stacked it with the others.

"_You'd make a certain someone very sad if she heard you say that."_

"Do I need to go find Doctor Keller and have her hook me up to an EEG so I can decrypt your entirely too vague words?"

Uttering a mental sigh, _"No, you need the ability to shut up, listen, and understand women."_

Waving his hand in front of the mess hall door sensor, "I'm a genius not a miracle worker, Cadman."

"_Well, genius why don't you haul yourself to your quarters, you'll need all of your brainpower if you are going to think of a way to get us out of this."_

"That's a good idea, I am tired. Just don't try any funny business while I'm tired."

"_I wouldn't dream of it."_

TBC


	2. Good Morning Lantea

As soon as Rodney's head hit the pillow that night he was out, a slight goofy smile spread across his face. Laying flat on his stomach as if someone had tossed his unconscious body onto the prescription mattress, he hadn't even bothered to crawl under the covers.

Not that it mattered; his body wasn't going to be staying in bed very long.

Laura Cadman, the other consciousness inhabiting the body of the Chief Scientific Officer on the Atlantis Expedition was waiting patiently for her turn to control the body which she was sharing with the arrogant genius. Now that Rodney was asleep she could take the opportunity to do as she pleased. Willing the body to obey her commands she wrenched control from the sleeping scientist. Laura propped the borrowed body up on one elbow, looking around at the sparse décor that Rodney had chosen for his quarters. _Bland_ she observed. Getting up she picked through McKay's room, to see if she could find anything of interest. A few drawers of clothes, nothing special, a picture of some woman's family, and a powered down laptop were all that immediately noticeable.

"Well this is boring," muttered Cadman. "Ugh, I still can't get used to hearing myself speak out of his mouth, I sound like Jack Black. That's just wrong."

Ready to burn off some pent-up energy from arguing all day, Laura located a pair of tennis shoes in Rodney's room. _He probably only gets exercise off-world. His lazy ass feels so out of shape, I'll run him around the base a few times. I'm doing him a favor, Jennifer will notice a missing pound or two._

She wasn't about to admit, even to herself, that there was the revenge motive behind her taking control. After all, he would wake up in a world of hurt, and that suited her _just_ fine.

* * *

The bright sunlight shone through his eyelids and shattered the solitude of sleep. Rodney grunted at this disturbance, lifted his head from the pillow and cracked his eyes open. _Why is it so bright in here?_ Checking his watch on the nightstand, McKay gawked at the time, _two o'clock?_ How on earth had he slept that long? Why was he under the sheets? The physicist distinctly remembered flopping onto his bed like a narcoleptic having an episode. One detail he did not remember was why the _hell_ his clothes were gone.

He hadn't been drinking, or at least he didn't remember drinking. He had no romantic interests in anybody, Katie dropped him after they'd had a heated argument about his "commitment issues". But he was certainly not about to have a one night stand with a random person on base. He hadn't slept with anyone so where was his clothing?"

"_Can't we sleep just a little bit longer?"_

In a panic, Rodney started looking for the woman who had spoken, _Oh crap, I did sleep with somebody! What am I going to do?_ When his frantic search turned up no one other than himself it clicked. He had forgotten about Laura being in his head. _Oh, right, she's still here. Cadman…_

Pulse returning to its normal rate, he noticed his surroundings were unfamiliar, "Cadman, where am I and how did I get here?"

"_Your mattress sucked, so I came to my room. I'm more comfortable in my own quarters."_

"That's a prescription mattress; I need it for my back! And what do you mean YOU came here? Why am I sore all over, and where the HELL are my clothes?" Rodney was fuming. He hadn't walked in his sleep since he was a child and didn't like the prospect of starting it up again.

"_I took us for a run, it calms me before I go to sleep. Your clothes are on the chair."_

"So you _stole_ my body and did whatever you pleased?" Attempting to cover himself with the sheets without looking, Rodney stood and shuffled over to the chair. He had a new problem: how to get dressed without Cadman seeing?

"_Seen it, McKay. And might I say—"_

"No, you may not!" cried Rodney indignantly, "Why did you take my clothes off in the first place?"

"_I prefer sleeping in the buff,"_ Laura revealed casually.

Spluttering, the scientist was caught off guard by her forwardness. He stumbled into his clothes awkwardly. "What else did you do while I was asleep, anything I should know about?"

"_Um, after I ran I came back here, showered and brushed our teeth, and went to bed."_

Aghast at what he was hearing, "_Showered_? You didn't!"

"_After a run? Of course I did. Do you have something against hygiene? Because that's a real turn-off and that might be part of why Katie dumped you."_

"No, I don't. Just with a problem with _you_," griped the thoroughly embarrassed McKay, "you brushed _my _teeth, was that in my quarters?"

"_No, that was here. Why?"_

"You used _your_ toothbrush, didn't you? Oh god, I'm going to be sick." He wasn't really but he felt naked just knowing Laura had seen him that way.

"_I don't have cooties, McKay. Besides it's not as if I could just walk down to the corner-store and get a new one. We're in another galaxy."_

"You've violated every moral code relating to women I could have ever thought of, Cadman, except for maybe one…no, wait we did technically sleep in the same bed."

"_You're so anal, Rodney, do you mind if I call you Rodney?"_

With a dismissive gesture, "No, go right ahead, do whatever you like, seeing as how it seems you already have."

"_Far from it Roddy-boy, far from it," _cooed Laura in his head causing the usually composed genius to whimper in self-pity.

Mortified and not looking forward to spending more time with Laura in his head, Rodney peeked out the door for anyone who might see him coming out of Cadman's quarters. It was going to be a long day.

TBC


	3. Shuffling the Deck

"_Rodney!"_ Once again Cadman piped up in the mind of Atlantis' resident genius. She hadn't shut up since the day Fumbles McStupid got them stuck in their current predicament. McKay had had enough of her chatter. Now several days had gone by with no results and the Lieutenant's body was still trapped in the alien vessel while her mind remained trapped in an alien body. Well, alien to _her_.

"**What** is it _this_ time!" growled the astrophysicist as he walked down the corridor towards the lab where the Dart wreck had been examined.

"_Oh, I was just wondering when you were going to get me out of your head. It's been a while and it is getting harder for me to be in here. You heard what Doctor Beckett said—"_

"Yes, I heard what he said, and I am well aware of the fact that my body can't handle the stress of having two consciousnesses in it," Rodney paused to breathe, something he often forgot to do when going on a tirade, "Now where was I? Ah yes, off to the lab to see that _fantastic_ and yet probably unimportant discovery Zelenka pulled out of his—"

"_Rodney!"_

"No, Zelenka does not have a 'Rodney' to pull ideas out of, they took me off the project, remember?" Rodney chided.

"_That's not what I meant, but…"_ Laura trailed off; she knew arguing with the arrogant man she inhabited would only get her yelled at.

They stepped into the spacious room where the Dart had been gutted and searched for any clue as how to restore the two expedition members to their former selves. Radek was fervently fiddling with the hookup between the Dart storage device and one of the laptops. Triple checking everything, Zelenka knew what would happen if anything went wrong: Rodney would explode, not literally he hoped.

Doctors Keller and Beckett were standing by a large target area cordoned off by warning stripes. The Dart's storage container was pointed toward the zone, waiting to be activated. Zelenka looked from the computer to the device and back again. After repeating this several times Rodney spoke.

"Zelenka, looking at the machine isn't going to get Laura out of my head. Is it ready?"

Turning around with a start, "Rodney, good, you're here. The device is ready, the power inconsistencies seem to have been dealt with and we are ready to put you back in the device."

"Oh, it _seems_ to be working, isn't that just great? Plus I couldn't _wait_ to get sucked back into data in a damaged storage device," once again McKay was layering the sarcasm thicker than concrete. His normally paranoid outlook on others' work was far from tempered by the use of uncertain words like "_seem_." This was not going to go well, Rodney had developed a sense for this sort of thing and it wouldn't stop bugging him.

"If you'll just stand over in the marked area, we are ready to begin," said Radek, pointing, "The doctors are here in case either you or Lieutenant Cadman need medical assistance upon re-materialization."

Rodney stood uncertainly in front of the wall, braced for the worst. After all, the worst had always happened to him before, "Why would it stop now?" he wondered.

Resigning himself to his fate, the super genius put what little faith he had in the hands of the somewhat competent man. He let Zelenka have control. However when Rodney let go, he unintentionally gave _someone_ else the chance to take over. Laura Cadman seized her opportunity to get the last word in, just in case she didn't make it out of McKay's cluttered head in one piece.

Laura held up one finger, and tried her best to ignore McKay's mental cries of indignity and irritation of having his body hijacked. Two quick strides brought her face to face with Doctor Keller.

Staring deep into her golden brown eyes, Laura lifted Rodney's hands, placing one on Jennifer's hip and the other on her cheek. Before Keller knew what was happening _Rodney _had pulled her into a kiss. Her mind blanked, her breathing caught in her chest, her heart hammered because the handsome scientist had never been so close to her and she never dreamed he would actually make the first move. Just when Jennifer's mind registered the urgent need to breathe _Rodney_ pulled away. Keller stared blankly at McKay, released a sigh of contentment, and stood in a mix of confusion and ecstasy.

"From Rodney," Cadman stated quietly, returning to Jennifer's cheek for a quick peck. Laura was pleased to note that the only thought the other consciousness could conjure was a quiet, unobtrusive babbling. _Quite unlike McKay_, she thought.

Laura looked away from Keller, and locked her eyes on Doctor Beckett. _Carson_. The man she'd had her eye on for the entirety of her still short stay in the Pegasus galaxy. In a quick stride her arms were wrapped around Carson's neck; this kiss, she felt, was a long time coming. She was_ not _going to let it slip through her fingers, or rather Rodney's, "In case things go wrong," she murmured.

Parting from the Doctor she adored, Cadman turned control back over to the mentally retching McKay. Not even thoughts of Jennifer, the woman he treasured, could keep him stalled long enough to not realize he was kissing another _man_.

Shame washed over the astrophysicist, he'd never thought Laura would be capable of something like _that_. McKay practically dragged himself over to the target zone. Head in hands, Rodney wished he could die. After a kiss with the woman of his dreams he didn't particularly care if Zelenka blew him to pieces with some sort of bumbling mistake.

Feeling sorry for his friend, Radek made ready to move on from the embarrassment, "Ready, Rodney?"

McKay feebly waved a hand in the other scientist's direction, "Just go."

"_You'll thank me for that later, Roddy-boy,"_ antagonized Cadman, _"Just you wait."_

Silence fell between the doctors and the scientists, Keller tried to recuperate, Carson puzzled over whom in that body had kissed him, Radek attempted to forget all that had happened in the past minute, and Rodney wished his heart would stop right then and there. All were successful save McKay.

Radek entered a command into the laptop. A hum of electricity and the shriek of the storage device split the innocuous quiet. Rodney looked distorted before a flash of light swallowed him whole. Zelenka checked the laptop and confirmed that two life signs were stored in the buffer.

Looking to the doctors, the jumpy scientist asked, "Medical team on standby?"

Carson and Jennifer nodded dumbly. Rodney's, or Laura's, they weren't certain whose, actions had thrown them for a loop. But they knew how to do their jobs. Even though they weren't thinking properly, they could handle whatever happened next.

Or so they thought.

Radek looked over the data on the computer screen, frowned, then entered another command into the laptop. The piercing cry of the device once again broke into the thoughts of everyone in the room. Two people appeared in the square. Cadman and McKay were standing dazed in the square where only Rodney had been a moment before. Both looked up and down the length of his or her respective body, checked for all fingers and limbs. At least each body had a consciousness in its head.

"_Man hands_?" It was Rodney who spoke. Much to her own surprise, Cadman once again had control of McKay's body. _This was not good._

"Zelenka!" Cadman's mouth spoke this time. Shuddering at his own voice, Rodney protested, "I didn't want a woman's voice or…" motioning at his torso with a bewildered and rather exasperated gesture, "**THESE**!"

"All right, all right, sorry, it's not my fault. The machine had some strange readings—"

The mismatched pair interrupted Zelenka simultaneously, "Fix us!"

Flustered, Radek hit a few keys on the keyboard. Again the pair vanished. More data on the screen perplexed the skittish Czech, brow furrowed, he spoke to the doctors, "I am getting some very strange readings here. This should not have happened. It was unpredicted in the simulations. When they are re-materialized I am not sure what sort of state they might be in, so be ready for anything."

The doctors nodded at Zelenka behind his computer before turning back to the zone where their apparent admirers had been mere seconds before. If things made a turn for the worse, they would need to rush their friends to the infirmary immediately.

"Okay, initializing."

_Screech_, two unconscious bodies appeared on the floor. A look of horror crossed Jennifer's face. _They came out fine last time. What happened? Oh, Rodney!_

The doctors rushed to the aid of their friends, they had to help them. They needed to get medical attention as soon as possible.

Zelenka's interest, however, had been drawn to the alarms going off on the laptop. The screen showed increasingly large power spikes and an alarmingly high probability of things going wrong in the next…three seconds he guessed.

Then they did.

Sparks flew from the electrical connections, his computer shut down instantly and the device activated. All four people in the target area were grabbed by the Dart beam: the two best doctors, the smartest scientist, and the explosives expert were all gone. Radek nearly pulled his hair out. Weir would kill him for this.

Frozen in place, Zelenka had no idea what to do next. Should he try to get them out, or get Weir and Sheppard? Fortunately he didn't have to make a decision, the storage buffer activated again. This time it spat out the two doctors. At least they were intact and conscious. That was better than nothing.

They looked around, at Zelenka, at each other, and at themselves. After a moment it was Keller who spoke first. Or rather, they were Keller's lips moving.

"Oh, _come on_!"

TBC


	4. Mad House

Roaring behind the ears, a dull throb when even _thinking_ about moving, and a desire to go back to being unconscious constituted a list of symptoms from an encounter with one thing in Rodney's life: Wraith technology. He hoped it wouldn't become a habit, running into Darts and stunners, but life on Atlantis rarely turned out how McKay had hoped.

_Ow. I might as well get this over with._ Opening his eyes several things assailed his senses. The first was light, as usual. Squinting through the light and the second nuisance: pain (as usual), the head scientist assessed his surroundings. He immediately recognized the infirmary, he'd been in it more than an adequate number of times to know what it looked like.

A third thing brought itself to Rodney's attention when he did his usual check for any and all body parts. Starting at the foot of his hospital bed, McKay noticed his feet looked smaller, but at least they were still there. Moving on. His hands lay on top of the sheets and at his sides. Lifting them for a finger-count, he noticed each one was more slender and delicate than he remembered, _unusual_. The backs and palms of his hands were soft and well taken care of. This was odd, for even to Rodney. He always made sure he was intact and safe from harm, but _vanity _was far beneath _Meredith Rodney McKay_. His fingernails were longer too, neatly filed and smoothed. _Who gave me a…what are those called…manicure?_ Then the big one hit him, or rather _ones_. Noticing his now curvy legs, hips and chest caused Rodney, actually Jennifer's face to flush. Suddenly Rodney remembered what happened in the lab with the storage device and _Radek_. That bumbling idiot, he'd only gotten Rodney out of one woman's head and into another.

"Zelenka…" Rodney groaned.

"He's hiding from you, Roddy-boy. Doesn't want to get his head ripped off by a woman," Cooed an all-too-familiar sneer from the next bed over.

"Cadman!" Rodney sat up, "You're not in my head."

"No, but unfortunately I'm still not in my own, and you aren't in yours either," Laura giggled, a rather unbecoming effect in Carson's body.

"That's my best friend you're joking about."

Shrugging, "Well he's not using it. I think the Dart's beam took a lot out of him, he's never been hit with it and he's still out cold."

"So he can't hear us talking about him?"

"Neither can your _tasty_ little host," teased Laura

Rodney fumed, "Jennifer is _not_ an object to simply be referred to as a 'host' and I am not a parasite like a Goa'uld!"

"You're in her head controlling her body, sounds parasitic to me. A tad defensive of our sweetheart are we?" Cadman sniggered.

"I—I don't know what you're talking about. I am simply concerned for a co-worker."

"A 'co-worker' whose body you inhabit and will have to live in. Has it occurred to you how day-to-day life will work?"

A few things dawned on McKay. He remembered how awkward he felt when he learned Cadman had undressed him while he was asleep. Now the shoe was on the other foot. The foot of the most beautiful and intelligent woman on Atlantis, which is connected to the lovely leg which happens to be attached to the—Rodney cut that thought short and started reciting the Fibonacci sequence in his head as fast as he could.

"Jennifer's face is completely red, Rodney," Laura cackled, "What have you been thinking about?"

"Nothing. I don't know what you mean."

"I doubt that Roddy-boy. I _really_ do. But just in case you don't, I'll get the ball rolling: how are you going to use the bathroom? Carson makes sure Jennifer keeps well hydrated. That'd be sheer torture after a while. Especially if she doesn't wake up for a while; or if she woke up when you were…"

"SHUT UP!" McKay cried, "2,584—4,181—6,567," _No! It's 6,765, focus Rodney! Don't think about Jennifer's… Agh, Cadman you witch!_

Zelenka stepped into the infirmary tentatively, looking towards Jennifer's bed, he'd heard the cry so he knew one of them was awake. She was sitting up, staring at her lap muttering herself. A glance at Carson was even more puzzling because he was bent over laughing, tears streaming down his face.

"Uh, maybe I should come back later…" Radek turned to go but Rodney had known his voice.

"Oh no you don't! Get in here, before I make it so Carson has to _Czech_ 'female' on your next physical exam!"

A disconcerting mixture: Rodney's physical threats delivered via Jennifer's voice. _I should never have come in here._

Taking only a couple steps into the room, "I'll keep my distance thanks. Are you feeling all right, McKay?"

"Not really, considering I'm having an out-of-my-body experience. How the _hell_ did you screw this up?"

Fortunately for the consistency of Radek's gender in his medical file he had an answer, "I got some strange fluctuations when we did the experiments with the mice, but it didn't produce any harmful side effects in the re-materialized mice. Those inconsistencies got about three-hundred and fifty times worse when you were used, considering the relationship in weight of a mouse to human, this makes sen—"

"Get to the point, Radek."

"I am now sure the problem stemmed from the organic nature of the Wraith tech rejecting our computers and the difference in their languages. But there's a good chance that some of the errors are due to some damage sustained in the crash. It would explain why it activated by itself. I think that the fact that it had stored two life signatures before the crash somehow told it to _only_ store two. Thus it immediately shot Doctors Keller and Beckett back out and preserved your and Cadman's consciousnesses in their bodies."

Rodney let out a groan of disapproval, "We can connect to it but can't get it to work properly. That's just great."

"Exactly."

"How do you intend to fix us?" Laura chipped in, all the science talk went over her head, she just wanted an answer.

"We can reverse engineer the broken transformer from the fragments we have, but it will take time."

Both of the bedridden victims asked the obvious, "How much time?"

"One week. Two tops," Zelenka winced at the pained look on Jennifer's face, her features contorted uncomfortably. He left the two (or rather four as both Carson and Jennifer had woken but not spoken) to digest the information.

Rodney was devastated, how was he supposed to survive two weeks in Jennifer's body? After only a few days with Cadman in his head resulted in medical complications, and he couldn't hurt the woman he cared so much about. _Guess you'll have to tell her how you feel about her now. Can't kill her or yourself without at least doing that much. It's not like she can walk away when she rejects you. Not now anyway._

Carson tried to speak, but only echoed as a voice in his own head.

"So you have two weeks to _explore_ your new body and get to know your new girlfriend, McKay. Oh the possibilities…"

Rodney didn't hear the words she said, only her voice droning on, "Uh-huh."

"No really, McKay, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. To literally be in the head of a woman, and one as attractive as Jennifer, you're a lucky guy. How many others would kill to get that chance?"

_Whatever she's saying I hope she stops soon._

"I guess you're right."

By now Laura was having a hard time ignoring Carson in her mind; he'd been trying to get her attention since Zelenka left, and was screaming in her head.

"_Laura! What are ya trying to do to Rodney?"_

With a small shake of her head, Laura silently told Beckett to shut up and let her work her magic, or devilry, depending on your point of view.

"At-a-Roddy-boy. Go get your girl."

Laura rolled over, closed her eyes and faked sleep, blocked out Carson's moral protests and suppressed his control. _I can't have you interfering with my plan, my Scottish prince._

Rodney was ready to die. He was going to go crazy so he might as well start talking to himself, "How am I going to live with her?"

"_I don't know, but your sick plan is not going to get you anywhere, McKay, and you can tell that wench Cadman to go jump off of the Central Tower."_

"**Jennifer?**"


End file.
